I have found one of the most difficult aspects of having a mental illness is the challenge in maintaining friendships. It is not that I stopped caring about other people—it is really because I got sick and was unable to maintain contact with people. It left me in a tough position with a whole bunch of connections yet few I had spoken to in years.
One could argue that people could have contacted me and that is true except my many manic episodes prompted me to change my phone number several times. Even if someone wanted to get in touch with me there’s a good chance they would not know my numbers.
I think that’s the good thing about social media. You can stay in touch as long as you don’t delete your Facebook page, Twitter account, or LinkedIn profile. Unfortunately, I’ve done that a couple of times too. But I have managed to keep most of my connections and this gives me the opportunity to keep up with old friends. It’s not like a good ole’ fashion phone conversation, but at least you know someone is thinking about you when they read your Facebook status and respond with a “like” or a “comment.”
One of the biggest problems with having a mental illness is the social isolation that comes from dealing with debilitating symptoms, like not being able to get out of bed. It could also be that you had an episode and ended up being hospitalized for a few weeks, which also equates to “falling off the face of the earth.” You just kind of disappear for a while until you get well enough to interact again. If people don’t know you’ve been sick or have an illness they wonder what happened to the friendship.
I had a friend who even knew I had bipolar disorder, but didn’t know I had been sick. He simply started thinking I didn’t value his friendship, which was not the truth. I’d gotten sick and there was know way he could know that until I was well enough to tell him. By then so much time had passed the friendship will never be the same again.
Friendships are hard to maintain even without a mental illness. Having one makes maintaining relationships a bit more challenging. I find myself more comfortable being open and honest with people and just letting them know I have bipolar disorder. Not to use it as an excuse but to let them know I might not always be well. I hope my friends understand and if they don’t I’ll have to deal with it.
There are times when I wish I could reach out and talk to someone from my past and explain to him or her why I stopped contacting them. The truth is to many years have passed and I am not sure I can overcome that amount of lost time. Instead I’ll keep focusing on the interaction I do have with social media and look forward to meeting new friends in the future. Hopefully I can stay healthy and not become so socially isolated.