Well in case you haven’t noticed I have been away several days from the blogging world. I would like to say I was far off somewhere in the middle of an exotic island enjoying a fruit-filled cocktail, but that would be a fantasy. No, I have just been enjoying the ups and downs of a bipolar life.
Even though I changed medication I still get those lingering mild depression symptoms and when that happens my concentration goes. Not to the point of being unable to carry on a conversation, but to the point where putting pen to paper is nearly impossible. Then, for whatever reason, the concentration cloud lifts and my head gets really clear. Alas, here I am.
I do romanticize about taking a break from my bipolar self. I think about how I will rebuild my life with cool people and we will laugh and talk and genuinely enjoy each other’s company. In that time there will be no discussion about which anti-psychotic has more weight gain and what one costs the most money. None of us would have to worry about whether we missed a dose of medication or added a pill we usually don’t take that knocked us out for a day (that’s me-I slept until 3pm). We could even grab a beer or glass of wine without feeling guilty.
Yes in my unbipolar world there would be no time to laugh at funny things therapists might say to you. Numbers would only be used for phone numbers and not for involuntary commitments (5150). There would be no pain and suffering to discuss because everyone would feel awesome. When we referred to a tool kit – meditation would not be something you would find in it. A tool kit would be about hammers and nails, not coping mechanisms for serious mental illnesses.
Finally, when I woke up every morning I could open my eyes and make believe I was going to feel great before my first cup of coffee. There would be no such thing as a medication hangover. I could ignore many of the bad memories that harbor in my mind because of my illness. It would never bother me again.
Well, it only takes a short time to realize there are a few things I would miss and that is the wonderful people I have met because I have bipolar disorder. And so what – we have different things in common than the average person, but we can find a lot of humor in living our lives with mental illness. They always say – laughter is the best medicine! Oh how I believe it is true!
Thanks for reading friends! And thanks for all your well wishes while I was away.